OM NAMAH SHIVAYA. It is Sanskrit
for “I honor the God who dwells within my Self.”

I saw my Lord with the eye of my heart,
and I said: Who art Thou? He said: Thou.
—Al-Hallaj

As fragrance abides in the flower
As the reflection is within the mirror So does the Lord reside within Thee—Why
search for Him without?
—Guru Nanak

Tat Tvam Asi
Thou art That
You are That—You are God.
—The Upanishads

My Multimensional self

We ve all heard of an illness called sleeping sickness. A similiar disease strikes the soul.Its very dangerous because the early stages go unnoticed. At the first sign of indifference, or lack of enthusiasm take note! The only preventive against the disease is the realisation that the soul suffers, suffers greatly, when we force it to live superficially. The soul loves all things beautiful and deep- Professor Albert Schweitzer (Nobel Peace Prize winner)

We are here to realise that we are multidimensional beings who came here on a plan to experience joy, sorrow, pain ,love,disease and so many emotions. Somewhere we have just got enmeshed in this drama and the illusionary nature of the world around us. We have limited identities given to us by the society. The drama is so absorbing we cannot shake ourselves out of it. Just like when I quit my job at first I felt I could not survive. My job was my identity. Everything revolved around my achievements and qualifications I had gathered. Each time someone asked me what I was doing I could not get myself to say 'nothing'. It felt like I was invalidating the life I had led all these years what I worked so hard for. So in this way we continue...We start by alienating from our inner selves and work hard at creating various masks. Somewhere we are lost and cannot make out what we truly wanted. Its so convincing that the small inner voice of the soul is ignored so easily.

The Physical Birth is a traumatic process so is this second birth. You have to let go of all the false identities. Its like layers in an onion. However great you may think you are in the world s eyes you are lost and havent fulfilled what you came here for if you cannot be in touch with that inner voice. I am not talking of that critical self in you or the vain proud self who always thinks I can never be wrong.
The true inner self your soul is full of compassion,love, non judgemental and can heal you truly and completely.Undoing is moving closer to the soul.Many of us just move through life never being in touch with our souls.

In keeping up appearances,in smiling on the outside and hurting inside, in anger instead of love we create disease.Disease is just the loss of equillibrium when the body,mind and soul are not aligned. You hate someone yet you have to be on your best behaviour, you want to say this but you say something else..this keeps happening through the day. As children we embarrass our parents when we blurt out the truth and we get chastised. Slowly we learn that we need to repress our true feelings. In this repression we create disease. I know you will ask how can we live in society if we always tell the truth or express our true feelings. No you dont need to tell anyone. If you can make peace with yourself and acknowledge your true feelings you free yourself from disease patterns..I am angry..I need love.etc..

As we advance technologically we think we dont need anyone else..We are moving into a dysfunctional world which is falling apart because we cant relate to ourselves. We keep running away from ourselves.Fill our lives with material desires..and so many goals and so much money we cannot use in one life. This action is all to fill that void which should be the space the soul occupies.

The soul is powerful beyond imagination..it can heal, traverse time and all boundaries of space and time, create and destroy. Today all we need to do is tell ourselves that what we need is within not without..Reflect, just be..Doing without being is worthless. Just let that divine spark percolate through all the masks we have created.

Thought and reality

When the soul wishes to experience something she throws an image of the experience out
before her and enters into her own image.
~Meister Eckhart

Do our thoughts create the reality around us ? Many great religions have emphasized the purity of thought and intention for thousands of years. Yet now science has reached the same conclusion. In Quantum Physics scientists have concluded that the observer influences the outcome of an experiment.We are all interconnected and influence each other.

In some way we influence the fabric of reality with thought waves..Thought is energy and this energy creates.Watching your thoughts is a wonderful exercise. You will see how meaningless and destructive most of our thoughts are. If you can guage your thoughts today you will know what your tomorrow holds. We repeat emotional patterns like anger, self pity, victimhood etc. For e.g By wallowing in self pity we create more situations where we are victims and need to pity ourselves.This vicious cycle continues till we break the pattern of our thoughts. In meditation or breathwork we empty our mind of thoughts and reduce the mental chatter. In the silence there is a breakthrough and those thoughts are what we call divine..

The Bible says 'Be still and Know that I am God'...Stillness is stillness of the mind.

If we can still our mind and watch our thoughts we would be creating perfect worlds. Our world is in a mess because our thoughts are filled with fear, pain, anger, frustration, revenge and low energies. We attract and create more of these.

By watching your thoughts you tell yourself 'I am not on auto pilot. I am in control of my reality and I create it by regulating my thoughts'. Its amazing how you can reduce the mental chatter by just doing some deep breathing exercises or listening to some music. The mind is a monkey and the monkey jumps from thought to thought so to keep it out of mischief we give it a task..observe the breath..slow in and out breath.Do this for 10 mins then increase it to half an hour a day. Initially you will not be able to filter the thoughts but after some days the number of thoughts will reduce. After that you can during the day at short intervals check your thoughts. Ask yourself am I feeling happy or sad, low or high on energies. Shift your focus if your low or sad. Your thoughts need to be regulated.

The main issue with all of us is we identify with our limited selves and forget that we are infinite and multidimensional beings who can create and change our realities. We deserve the best..and intention is all we need. The intention has to be with feeling. Just repeating words in prayer without feeling is a pointless exercise.

Thought+intention= creation

If you want to start this but are stuck because you ve always been fearful and negative in your thought processes you must get yourself Louise Hay s You can heal your Body. You can choose your affirmations and repeat it with feeling. At first it might appear meaningless but as you remove doubt and believe in it, it will work.
There are many people who do not succeed even after all this. Most of the time it is because they have not released negative energies or forgiven someone. Please forgive yourself and others first let go off all resentment and hatred. This is all blocked energy and hinders the process of creation.

Synchronicity or meaningful coincidences

Vedanta says the 2 signs of enlightenment are:

1. You stop worrying...I ve still not reached this
2. Synchronicity or meaningful coincidences

In my journey I have been guided by an unseen force these last 2 years. Synchronous events have kept me on the path. Every time I lost touch with my inner self these signs disappeared. Now I just centre myself with some breathing or meditation when I lose these signs.

What is synchronicity..? There s one day I want to do a particular course the next day I see an ad in the newspaper or a friend calls me up to talk about it. What are the odds against these events happening. This is not to prove to others but in its special way the Soul guides you. You have to be patient, observant,acknowledge it and in mundane everyday events you will see the synchronicity.

Think of a friend and the friend calls you or while typing on chat you both type the same thing more often..what are the chances of these things happening ? You may say they happen all the time..But each time you refuse to acknowledge them in the small things you stop it happening in big things.

All along the path I ve been moving like a river with some stops in between..Just enough time to assimilate thats all. Sometimes I feel I dont have time..not sure why this sense of urgency. I think its because too many things seem to be happening.
So I ve been led from teacher to teacher, book to book. Reiki, Yoga, Inner Child healing, Chakra meditation, Vipassana, Isha Yoga...Past life regression. So somewhere along the line the self healing self searching me transformed into someone who wants to help others. I always wanted to help others but was not equipped to do so.

If you recognise your true calling the universe or the unseen forces just help you in so many ways. Its amazing. Each one of us is unique and we have a special role to play. We deny this and lead lives to be accepted in society to just fit in.Most of my life I just did things to fit in..to gain approval..as soon as I chose to be true to my own self things just happen so easily. 'To Thy own self be true'.
Now I understand this fully.

Past Life Regression and Healing

I did a Past life regression therapist's training last week..after a lot of experimentation on myself and sessions.
In Past Life Regression we do a relaxation and the client is led into a past life. This is not hypnosis and the client is fully aware of the surroundings and the sounds in the background. Many people have a misconception that they may be manipulated and hypnotised.
Some of my experiences have shown that it is parallel state of consciousness which proves our multi dimensional existence. We can feel the trauma, joy, ecstasy, fear pain etc in our physical bodies as if we were experiencing the past life in the present moment. Reliving the trauma helps release the remnants which are stored in our energy body.
These blocked emotions normally cause havoc in our bodies and minds like fixed patterns in behaviour and disease.
We are wired in such a way that the same emotional reactions arise to situations. So it is as if we react to every new situation as we did in the past. Past as in not only this life but also past lives. Many of us call this Karma or destiny and feel we are pawns in the hands of destiny or some God. These patterns can be changed by releasing the stored energy patterns.
Our Energy body creates our physical body and months or weeks before a disease manifest in the physical it can be detected in the auric or energy field around our bodies.
In Breathwork, Holotropic Breathing and rebirthing too this release is done.
I have had a lot of issues relating to my neck, shoulders and arms. In subsequent past life sessions I saw 2 deaths where I was beheaded.
Then I experienced a very traumatic death as a young Egyptian who was buried alive after being drugged. This experience where I wake up in a coffin with hands and shoulders all cramped may have led to the pain in my shoulders and neck.
Total release happens when you relive the experience with all your senses.
The memory is stored in our cells and not our brain so wherever the trauma is stored we manifest disease or chronic issues.
Even when we reach deep meditative states or in deep tissue massage you may encounter memory release as I experienced during Vipassana and a reiki session.
I no more doubt that every cell is conscious and has intelligence. Every cell has the power to heal.
We nourish ourselves only when we love our bodies and give it the right messages and stop generating anger, fear and low energy emotions.

Rose of Jericho

I was presented with this unique plant by my Reiki teacher when i left Pune...Its called the Resurrection plant or the Rose of Jericho.It is believed to have the ability to absorb negativity.

A german lady she healed of cancer gave her these unique little plants..they look like dry thorny balls all shrivelled up but once you put them in water lo and behold they start turning green and grow and take the shape of the vessel you put them in. This is like a miracle indeed.

After the rainy season, the Rose of Jericho dies and dries up, curling its stems into a tight ball. This protects the seeds and prevents them from being dispersed prematurely. When wetted, the branches spread out. If rain allows, the dispersed seeds germinate. The process of curling up and opening is completely reversible and can be repeated many times...................... Here I have taken photos showing the process where this dry ball when placed in water revives.and takes the shape of the bowl its placed in...and becomes green....over a 2-3 day period.green colour is regained..If left without water it again dries and curls back and can be revived later by placing in water..

I was told they grow in Israel and Texas..and are passed from generation to generation in families and given as presents during Christmas.

Exactly 2 years after I got my plant I chanced upon the same plant being sold by roadside vendors in Mahabalashwar a quaint little hillstation near Mumbai...Apparently its called the Sanjeevani meaning "One that infuses life" and is found at high altitudes in the hills. According to the epic Ramayana this plant was used to revive Lakshmana who was wounded.
I am not sure this is the original Sanjeevani but it can miraculously restore itself. Life is amazing and this plant is too.

Sound and Healing

I have been interested in this for a few months now and have read all that I can find about this topic on the net as well as books I could find.

Its fascinating to know that sound reaches our ears through vibrations and waves and is energy just as we are energy too..(matter is energy). The effect of sounds cannot be denied. Sound can heal and transform as well us take us to a different vibration level. The yogis of ancient India knew this and had mantras for various purposes.

Each chakra had its own vibrations and colour. The psychics can hear and sense these.
These mantras resonate and the associated chakras open and heal..helping the connected organs to regain the normal healthy state. This is very much like a pair of tuning fork.Resonating one results in the other tuning fork vibrating even though they are placed apart.

Music is therapeutic and cures many ailments, destresses and also alleviates pain.
Great religions also gave us music as a gift..the Catholics had the gregorian chants, Sufis the Qawalis, Hindus the Vedic mantras and so on..They knew the secret power of music.

When I went through a lot of emotional turmoil listening to the Gregorian chants helped put me to sleep everytime i was agitated. I am sure it will relax anyone who is facing a crisis.

Jonathan Goldman a great musician who has carried out research and also penned several books on this subject has added that the intention behind the music is important. The sound + intention results in healing. The thought is above all very important so mere repetitive mouthing of mantras is meaningless.We need to feel deeply when we say them. Saying it in our own voice is more effective than listening to it...each time we say a mantra out loud it resonates to the universal sound and comes back to us as a manifested reality.

OM Meditation
The chanting of OM resonates in the whole body and helps all the chakras..Repeat OM or AUM for about 30 mins and you will feel waves of energy in the body. Now move your palms facing upwards in a clockwise and anti clockwise direction to dissipate the energy at the mid level. Try this in a group and you will feel a strong vibration and lots of energy build up.

The Bija mantras for the chakras are Om, Sham, Hum, yum, ram, vam and lam from Crown to Root.

Vipassana a lesson in awareness

10 days away from what you thought was life..10 days of silence .Wake up at 4 am and meditate the whole day. The whole affair sounded very intimidating but I had this stronge urge to do it since last year.

Finally when I reached Igatpuri I felt relaxed .The place was so tranquil and idyllic. I fitted into the routine so well, it was amazing. I surprised myself.
The meditation itself was simple but back breaking. I have this chronic neck pain that aggravated with sitting for 10-12 hrs. There was nothing special about the technique of watching the breath too..but the results were out of this world.

Whatever suffering arises
has a reaction as its cause.
If all reactions cease to be
then there is no more suffering.

At first tingling sensations, hot and cold feelings, pain etc. Apparently they are Bio chemical reactions which keep happening in our bodies,but we arent aware of. Just sitting quietly and closing your eyes concentrating on the upper lip could make you aware of this. Then we replicated this observation throughout the body.

At first some emotional issues started surfacing which were either very fresh in my mind or had troubled me in the last one year. We were supposed to observe without judging these as good or bad. Tell ourselves it was all impermanent and "anicca". " This too will pass"...but my emotions would take over and tears just rolled..
Then the strangest thing started happening. My awareness shifted from the outer body to the insides without much effort on my part.. After this every organ started releasing images as if they all had memory...heart , brain, neck , stomach..

All sankharas are impermanent.
When you perceive this with true insight,
then you become detached from suffering;
this is the path of purification.

At first I got a few images i could not understand. Then many images started coming in rapid succession and I could not stop it even if I willed it. It was not like imagination..it was scary like a nightmare, except that I was awake and fully aware.I saw faces mostly women...their eyes seemed to draw me to take a closer look. Each time i looked closer the faces changed and either started looking old and haggard or their expressions became painful, angry or fearful. I kept on seeing this and saying "this too will pass ", not knowing this was. The women i saw were mostly Indian all classes and types...rural, urban..I was also having this burning sensation in my body which would just consume me..

At last when it would not just stop after an hour or so..I opened my eyes..I was terrified now. I went to the teacher to tell her abt this. She just said those are your "samskaras" or conditionings from past lives. I believe in past lives so she did not need to convince me about it.The burning sensations were like hell fire i was experiencing in the here and now. I asked her how long will this take ? She said it all depends on the stock pile of karma you have accumulated the worst comes out first. Nature is benevolent apparently so its like a sieve where the biggest come out first. So that sounded like a consolation and gave me some courage to restart. Also brought me some peace that I was not the only one to experience this.

In the recorded instructions given by Goenkaji for the following day we were usually told about what to expect with the meditations and my experiences caught me my surprise as they were not talked about at all. Apparently I was experiencing everything a day in advance ..this the teacher told me was because I perhaps had already practised Vipassana in a past life..could not vouch for that..But the next day I saw a life as a Buddhist monk may be that was where I learnt Vipassana.

The next day when i was more comfortable with the images I adopted a new technique of asking questions to various parts of my body..
I got the answers in the form of past life images..a lot of it made sense. reasons for my inhibitions, my rejection of being feminine, my chronic neck pains..my fear of suffocation ( I can never cover my face while sleeping or pour water over my head while taking a bath ). I had an Egyptian life where i saw myself being bandaged like a mummy though I was alive (drugged probably). I was hanged in one life hence the neck pain.

All the repressed lives as a woman had made me reject the feminine processes...I was also an aborted foetus. I ve always wanted to fight for women and abuse victims. Now this has made it more my mission.

My inhibited attitude towards sex came from various lives as religious leaders I saw a buddhist monk, a Syrian Christian priest, a Jain sadhvi.
I asked and was getting answers...very spontaneous.it was as if my logical left brain was asleep..my right brain was activated.

With each passing day i was convinced my neck condition was more psycho than somatic. After sitting so long everyday I was relaxed and the pain had dissapeared by the day end. I kept telling myself I cannot jump to conclusions. If i feel the difference after I get back to my normal routine then this is effective.
The pain does come back every now and then but its much better and more controllable. Earlier it took over my life.

If the roots remained untouched and firm in the ground, a felled tree still puts forth new shoots.
If the underlying habit of craving and aversion is not
uprooted, suffering arises anew over and over again.

The entire world is ablaze,
The entire world is going up in smoke.
The entire world is burning
The entire world is vibrating

Towards the end I had a splitting headache which would not go ..how much ever i told myself this would pass...It continued into the night and the next day I found it difficult to meditate. The ache was like a weight in the top of my head..
I kept telling myself to let go and observe..and to my amazement I watched it dissapear like a wave ..v slowly though..First the left part of my head started feeling light and then the right and soon it was all gone..just by observing and not getting carried away by the pain. It was replaced with a wonderful sensation. We were told not to get carried away by pleasant feelings and sensations just like we were to with pain and bad sensations. I could not help feeling so happy with this sensation.. I could feel my crown opening up and something oozing out from the left side of my head ..it was not a liquid more like vapours..like the vapours over ice.
The top of my head was no more solid and my left forehead was also all ephemeral.
Wow the feeling was just out of this world though it might just sound scary when you read it. I could not sustain this through the body. The cold sensation remained with me for the whole day.

On the 2nd last day I had this weird sensation in my ear the boney part around the hole, like someone were drilling through..no pain but this horrible feeling like when you are at the dentist's and he's given you something to numb you, but you still get the sensations .I also saw glimpses of a screw or nail like thing in my ear. I could not see anything more..but strangely this sensation stayed with me off and on for a week after i returned. I have since lost it but haven't figured out what that was. I also want to mention here that I have had several bouts of recurring boils in my ears ..very painful I am sure you would know if you had it.When this drilling sensation started I kind of thought it was the onset of one of those...because it was as close a sensation to that..but without the pain..like when you get a pulsing sensation. Thank God there were no boils..but I am still to make sense of what that was.

On the 10th day breaking the silence felt abnormal..felt like that was my true nature. When I came away on the 11 th day it was reluctantly..I felt I was leaving home. Silence, peace, tranquility and being close to nature are our soul's true attributes. Everytime we get a taste of it we want to go back to where we belong,to our true nature. I was already telling myself I'll return very soon to Igatpuri.

Its almost a month and I am back. I have not been practising the meditation regularly but I am more aware of all my activities. I observe and do all my activities with more awareness. ..I think that's true vipassana..when you can let it sink into you like second nature that every waking moment you are aware..and living in the moment and not procastinating about the past or worrying about the future.

Inner Dialogue

This piece of writing just happened..in a few minutes..my mind was a blank and I just kept writing...

Q1) I need some answers what am I doing ? Where am I going?

Ans Just enjoy yourself..Be, Let go and live life to the fullest

Q2) Am I on track ?

Ans Right Ho, just on track dont fall off.

Q3) What can I do about my health ?

Ans Relax, chill go for a holiday and enjoy, forget, stop worrying about it things fall in place. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones and you will attract it.

Q6) Who are you ?

Ans guardian angel dear..

Q7) What should I do ?

Ans Yoga reiki the works all lead to me..Come child I ll take you lead you now..so keep your mind still..Stillness will speak to you.

Q8) Thanks for your guidance, Stay with me..I need important answers to stay on path or my life s in a constant state of confusion, ever tumultous emotions. I am like a ship on fire in a turbulent sea.

Ans ....No your fine, you just need perspective. Listen to your soul where it will go, go ..Lead ..ask it to lead. and you follow. You are more than this ..You deserve better and you have agreed to take it..Life holds many surprises in store so enjoy them as they come and be happy its not so boring and ordinary and normal as it was supposed to be if you followed the chart, the plan, the usual path....

9) On Friends...

You have so many ..other wordly and of this world. They come into your life in time to steer you to strengthen and make you happy so note their relevance...
Stay clear of useless people who malign who judge and who waste...

10) a-Heart...

It says open up ..let love in..express itself give in it will shower joy

b-What does my Chinese, Buddhist life signigy ? ( to give a background in this life I died of a heart attack..rich, fat and alone )

Ans Yah its heart again dear you failed to let in, open up so you need to do it now..Either Evolve or Perish it says..

c-Root... What do I do ?

Ans Stay Centred and fear not, Believe. We are there to protect and guide you no harm can come to you as long as you believe that no harm can come to you.

d-Love..Yes love yourself first then you reflect love always. You can shower love and be loving.

e-Create ..your destiny a new reality

f-2012... the change the transition is already happening

g-Dreams R had...are scary but they need not happen they are just fears in our collective consciousness working on our minds.

h-Global warming will destroy the earth..No its part of us we destroy everyday, no separation exists between us and the Earth.

11) Are we alone ?

How vain, how stupid after all this alone....
what question is this dear

Then some random stuff....

Take control of your life you are a strong and dynamic woman. Fulfill your dreams. There can be no end to achieving when you believe.

Start at :

- Self Love
- Forgive and let go
- Live life
- Be Happy
- Just be
Enjoy being and stop trying to do and tell others this too
- Get out of the rat race you arent a rat and you were never happy by achieving ranks and posts and great jobs and money.

Lessons to be learnt in this life

Patience, Self Love, Non judgemental, Weaning, Loving, Forgiveness, Tolerance, Humility, Search...Depth of self, True self and Enlightenment.

Thanks a lot..

You kiddo just stay put dont fall off. We re there even if you fall off ( chuckling )....

I am joyful and a treasure of joy and fear cannot touch me ..I am just a beam of energy,my Body is but a reflection not a reality.I shine brightly always so just know we are there.

Who is this ?

Ans We, myself, my, mine Yes we are all one...just a split in the personality dear..confused ..no..we dont want to confuse......

My war with myself

It s better to live your destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life perfectly- The Bhagavad Gita

The other morning I woke up with a profound and deep thought...'' I ve lived all my life on rules set by others-parents, society and have I been happy ?'' No not yet. So its time I started questioning all that I ve lived by.

Moral Codes- still stuck in them
Religion- I have already discarded
Prejudice-Trying to identify and drop them

The last year I have been a sponge, absorbed all that I could reading books, attending workshops and having interesting discussions with friends.
Now I have reached a stage where I have started questioning like a child for I am still a child where spirituality is concerned.
Living by others rules and arguing it out internally with what the little voice inside told me, was a constant war. I have been at war. Rules always won the battle till I was 25 years.The little voice was always low so it stood no chance anyway. Life took a sharp turn and then something snapped inside me and i stopped analysing and going by rules. Not sure where its leading me.
But Spirituality is not an easy path, has never been an easy one for anyone. It will consume me I am sure. Its better than living like a hypocrite, smiling on the outside and hurting inside.
I have become more vocal. I lose my temper more easily . Not that , this is good. I think its better than seething inside , not expressing, repressing and falling ill.

My neck has become worse. Its stiff and painful. My stomach wont accept any spicy, oily food. This forces me to eat like an ascetic and practise Yoga.

I cannot see myself fit into any so called ideal roles..ideal mother, ideal wife...ideal citizen. Roles I was trained to enact the first 25 years of my life.
What a disappointment I ve turned out for everyone...makes we want to laugh and cry at once..
Its not easy to let go of ego-so much went into building it..words unsaid, feelings repressed, moments lost, being a rat in the rat race. I have to discard my ego..its always been too strong for my own good.

Life has dealt me blows everytime I lost touch with my inner voice. Everytime I've lost track spirituality brings me back. Maybe I have the greatest teacher ' Life Itself '. Events unfold with amazing synchronicity. No, I dont call them coincidence anymore. I dont need evidence ..it's so well planned and laid out. The wisdom and intelligence behind all this is so obviously great that
I 'd be a fool not to acknowledge it. I dont want to cage this immense infinite power by calling it any names.

I ve decided to stop analysing and letting go, let events unfold and go with the flow. Stop fighting what is obvious. In the past everytime I fought I fell greiviously ill.
I ve gone through stages where I thought God was punishing me..(sounds ridiculous now) originating from my Christian roots where you thing God is to be feared..hence strict moral rules.
No I never stopped falling ill..so I thought my belief system made no sense as I was sticking by all the rules.
Next time I fell ill I blamed it on my high paying, high stress job. Now this sounds more practical maybe closer to the truth.
Now i think, everytime I stop listening to mybody and my inner voice, I fall ill. When the body, mind and soul lose their alignment illness manifests to set right this misalignment. Yoga taught me to keep this alignment in place.

Health is the foundation without which you can't reach spiritual heights. Now I need to get back into health, release all mental and physical blocks as I have a long path to tread and the path is precarious. If I can't preserve this body I will have to take ennumerable births to reach my zenith.